I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
