Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
