Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
