i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
