I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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