i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
