Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
