There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
