I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
