The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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