from now on my penis is your penis
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
