Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
