I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
