You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
