we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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