Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
