planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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