I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
