this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
