I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
