is your mom at the bar?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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