Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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