I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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