She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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