I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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