I think my vagina is haunted
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
