I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
