saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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