The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
