woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
