He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
