Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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