if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize