I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize