Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
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