I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
