My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
