so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
