Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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