Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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