Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
