Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
