This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I CAN MOONWALK!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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