Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
