I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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