Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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