ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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