The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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