life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
