and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
