Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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