Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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