do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
