How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
