Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
