I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
