trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
