Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
