So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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