Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
