you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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