I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
