3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
