great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
