How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
