She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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