did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
