Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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