All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
