I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
