Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
